So, from time to time, I'd like to blog about real life marriage situations as presented to me by a real life person. Of course, names have been changed to protect the innocent, as they say in some stories.
Alice, age 48, after attempting to reach me for a few days by telephone, was really relieved when we were finally able to connect. As she poured out her story, I could hardly believe what I was hearing. She and Harry have been married for 15 years. She explained that about 6 months ago, her husband took a trip to Thailand with some of his friends for the purpose of receiving medical treatment (including surgery) for his back. Apparently, he was on disability and the treatment that he needed was less expensive in that country than here in our own United States of America. (It made me think about Michael Moore's movie, Sicko. There may be more truth to it than we really know). Anyway, Alice went on to explain that both she and her husband Harry were on disability. He was drawing disability because of a back injury, and she because she had undergone a double mastectomy a few years earlier. She was drawing Social Security Disability benefits, and he had retired and was drawing his retirement benefits, besides a disability annuity.
Alice drew a deep breath as she continued with her story. Because of the medical treatment that Harry had undergone, he was required to remain in Thailand for a couple of months afterwards. When Harry returned to the United States he informed his wife that he had met a young lady (about 20 years old) who needed help because she wanted to attend school. He explained that she was really nice and that she couldn't afford to do go to school without some one's
Although, quite reluctant, over the past couple of months, Alice accompanied Harry to Walmart to buy the young lady clothes and small household items which were shipped off to Charity (that's a made-up name too). Harry even purchased a computer for Charity and shipped it to Thailand. And, Alice was more than reluctant when she accompanied Harry to the bank to withdraw the $4,000 that he wired transferred to Charity, but she wanted to show Harry that she could stand by his decision.
Now, the real blow to Alice came when Charity told Harry that she thought she was pregnant. So Harry had to confess to his wife that he was intimate with Charity -- but only one time during one of the massage therapy sessions. By this time, Alice's voice quivered and her breathing became a little heavier as she attempted to gain control. Alice was devastated to hear that her husband had been intimate because he had initially assured her that nothing happened between he and this young lady. I silently listened without interruption because I have learned that it's important for a person in Alice's position to process "her story" at her own pace.
A deep sigh was released, as Alice explained that her husband had had a vasectomy after the birth of their youngest child. How could he be the father of Charity's baby? She and Harry immediately contacted the doctor that had performed the vasectomy and made an appointment right away. Apparently, Harry was tested and the results reflected that Harry's sperm count was not at level where he could have possibly fathered the child. Of course, Alice thought that would put a end to Harry's determination to continue contact with Charity under the circumstances -- however, that was not to be the case. Harry insisted that the baby must be "a miracle" and that he surely must continue to support Charity and the child. Alice went on to explain that Charity telephone Harry at their home freely and on a regular basis. She refers to Harry as "Dad" and calls Alice "Auntie."
And, so here is Alice questioning whether to seek a divorce because she, also, discovered that Harry had sent another $4,000 to charity a few weeks ago, but this time he didn't ask her permission to do so. He withdrew the monies from their savings without her knowledge. Alice has not made up her mind whether to file for divorce. It is her hope to save the marriage. Harry told her that he does not intend to file for divorce; if she wants a divorce, she will have to be the one that files.
Is this marriage worth savings?
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