There are a lot of different reasons why couples divorce: financial incompatibility, infidelity, parenting differences, personality conflicts, and just plain failure to give attention to the marriage. If you do make the decision to divorce your spouse, no matter what prompted your decision it will be one of the most difficult decisions that you will ever have to make in your life. Unfortunately, so many of us decide to file for divorce at moment in which we are in a "heat of the passion moment." While, you may have come face to face with the fact that you will be better off ending your marriage, the important question is whether you came to that oh, so life changing decision after thoroughly assessing your situation. Time and time again, we often make major life decisions while in a highly emotional state -- to only later find ourselves questioning whether we actually made the right decision. When you are in an emotionally volatile state, there's simply no way in which you can reach within yourself and make sensible and healthy decisions regarding life matters.
In assessing your desire to terminate your marriage one of the most important steps to take is to calmly assess whether your marriage is worth saving. I am an avid reader and often find myself reading a book that requires writing exercises. I hate those exercises that ask you to "stop right where you are" and take an inventory, or make a list about something related to what you are reading. In fact, my mother is often drawn to the same type of books, and we have an ongoing joke about those exercises. I once asked her if she ever does the exercises, and she laughed and said that she always glances at them but never really takes the time to actually do any of the exercies. So now when I see her with a book fashioned in that format, I always tease her: "You know good 'n well, you're not going to do those exercise." We then take a moment to lock eyes before the laughter fills the room.
As much I have a strong aversion to those type of books, in all reality, in order for you to make a healthy decision about whether to stay in your marriage or end it, it is, indeed, necessary to take an inventory and assessment of your marriage. If you can't take the time to do it right this moment, make an appointment with yourself tomorrow. All you need is about 15 minutes, shut a door and make sure that absolutely nooooo one intrudes on your time. Don't be afraid to take a trip to a near by Starbucks to find some isolation, if necessary!
This is a really simple exercise -- yet thought provoking! You simply take the time to write down five (5) things that you absolutely love about your husband or wife and five (5) things that you absolutely love about your marriage. All of the answers to this exercise are "within" you and not someone else. You can't identify the loving things without taking the time to look within. Now that you have written down what now adds up to ten (10) things that you absolutely love about your spouse/your marriage, take the time to rank the items in importance from 1 to 10 (with 1 being the most important). If you conduct this exercise during quite time, it gives that time you really do need to reflect, to remember why you married that individual, to feel the reasons why you are in the marriage at this time.
Now, I'm not going to have you assess the good aspects of the marriage without you looking at the parts that are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. But you need to do that in another session on another day
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